ALWAYS BE POSITIVE: YOUR GLASS IS HALF FULL - OF WINE!

By always thinking of new ways to promote her wines, Natalie Waters loves to create events for the Suzhou expat community and bring people together.

When I met Natalie at a cafe in Suzhou Center, I could tell she is a passionate woman from the way she greeted me. She looked at me with the bright eyes of people who wake up in the morning knowing they’ll do what they like to do. Yet, her story starts with a misfortune.

“My first passion in life was dance.” She told me “After university, I performed in various stage shows, musicals, and movies, but it all came to a sudden end when I suffered a painful spine injury. Doctors warned me not to dance anymore. It felt like my whole life had ended, I was devastated.”

Natalie had to find a new path. She explored different opportunities until she met a fellow actor who was a wine broker.

“As I love wine, I thought that could be something I would enjoy doing too. And I was right! I traveled a lot with the job, selling to clients in Australia, Hong Kong, and Singapore.”

It was her new job that led her to fall in love with her husband. 

“Brett was doing the marketing for Australia’s biggest wine icon, Penfolds. He tried to get my opinion on his companies designs for in-store displays, and I tried to sell him a wine portfolio. I succeeded. Within two years of us meeting each other, we were married, had our first son, and Brett set up his factory supply chain in China.”

Back then, her husband had to travel a lot back and forth to China. Natalie was alone, as her family was living in another part of Australia. When their son was nine months old, they decided they would all move to Shanghai.

“We thought moving would be the better option for our family. We came to stay 6-12 months, and ended up staying 12 years so far!”

During the first two years in Shanghai, Natalie focused on her family. She had her second baby and happily enjoyed the opportunity to take care of her children as a full-time mother. 

“I did some casual work as a choreographer on a fil and as a fit model but didn’t actively look for a job. It was nice being a 100% mom."

When her children started school, however, she felt it was time for her to put herself on the line again. 

“China gave me the freedom to discover my passions more than home. Australia’s job market is saturated and if you want to be a dance teacher or a wine educator you’ll find fierce competition. In China this was different, and I had a lot more opportunities. When we moved to Suzhou I started to teach dance at SSIS school and the chance to work in the field of wines came very soon after my kids started school.”

When they lived in Shanghai, Natalie and her husband were members of Wine Club 101 and got along well with the owner, Joe. 

“My passion was for Australian wine but Joe opened my eyes to a  hugely diverse range of International wine varieties I had never heard of before, let alone had the opportunity to taste.  Around the same time we moved to Suzhou, so did Joe and Wine Club 101. Very soon after both my kids started school, he offered me a job with him, to sell wine.”

Natalie was eager to start, but that kind of a job required spending evenings organizing dinners and events. She didn’t want to leave her children alone at night, so she came up with a brilliant idea: the wine lunches.

“It wasn’t so different from what I was already doing. I would often share the wine I bought from Joe with my friends when we got together for play dates. My friends enjoyed what I was introducing them to and asked me to buy for them, so in a way, I was already working for Joe without knowing it.”

                          

Joe said it would never work. Instead, ten years later she is still organizing wine lunches and they have always been a great success. 

“Wine lunches became an opportunity for mothers to put some makeup on, dress up, feel elegant and enjoy their time together, tasting samples from the vast portfolio of international boutique wines selected by me”.

Natalie got off to a good start. But life is unpredictable, and another tragedy was around the corner. Joe suddenly died, leaving a wife and a son - not to mention all the family savings invested in container’s full of wines in Shanghai.

“When Joe passed away, I felt a lot of pressure on me. Joe’s wife wasn’t as passionate as him about the business, and she didn’t know which way to turn. I helped her sell all of the wine. Once we had sold all of it, I suggested we work with other importers, so we could ease the cashflow burden, and also increase the selection to include wines from many other countries. Our client base was so diverse, it made sense for our portfolio to reflect this. Our grief after Joe’s sad passing has now turned to a feeling of pride, that we have kept his legacy of selling boutique wines here in China at a high standard.” 

Natalie made the business flourish and became the General Manager of the company, while Joe’s widow, Cecilia, continued to support the business in the back office.

“Over the years, I came with more fun ways to promote our wines as well as add more fun community experiences for my fellow expats, such as the Suzhou White Party, and the annual music festival, Suzhou On That Beat. I like the way wine brings people together. I love my job, meeting people and networking. I like to have fun organizing events and always doing new things. I want to enjoy my time here!”

Natalie’s story is indeed a story of passion and success. I asked her what suggestions she has for other expat women in China.

“I was lucky because I was a dancer and a wine educator, and this you can easily take with you if you move. But other jobs are not so adaptable, so I’ve seen a lot of talented women, who had high-level professional careers at home, feeling useless here, with nothing to give, empty.

My suggestion is to get involved, embrace the culture, engage with people. Do something you wouldn’t usually do, something unique. This is a place that can make or break you. Life in China always challenges me, and it’s like an emotional rollercoaster. You are not going to be happy all the time. You have to find your own happiness here. Always try to find the positive in what you meet! 

As for me, I am an eternal optimist who always sees the glass as half full. I have big dreams and love to help champion other people’s ideas.”

You can see all the events and contact Natalie by  joining the WeChat group ID: SZWineClub101  or visit their Wine Club 101 Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/wineclub101/) 

WOMEN WHO MAKE BRAVE CHOICES: THE STORY OF ANNA&ANNA FROM BEIJING

Today is Women’s Day, and I’d like to celebrate it telling the story of two creative, dynamic and brave women: Anna & Anna from Beijing, who started a project called CinCucina.

Women, who follow their husbands around the world: how are they? Privileged, spoiled ladies living in the golden expat bubble, or brave women who overcome difficulties, make sacrifices, win battles and fight to reinvent themselves?

Anna & Anna met in Beijing (and I’m proud to say that I was the one who put them in contact!) and soon became friends. Being Italian, they both like to cook. So, when the Italian Institute of Culture organized an Italian cuisine course and looked for a teacher, they jumped in! 

CinCucina was born: their lessons are specially tailored for Chinese and expats, and they teach simple but genuine Italian dishes, like Pollo alla cacciatora, or Tiramisù. In other words, the real Italian cuisine! They also created a cookbook (available in English and Mandarin), which they presented at the Italian Embassy in Beijing during the week of "Italian cuisine in the world".

But who are Anna & Anna, what can they tell us about their personal stories?

“My expat life began in 1995,” tells Anna Cincotto Reniero “My husband and I moved to Switzerland, where he started a job he was passionate about. I’m curious and full of energy as well, but I also like to take care of the house and cook a good meal for the family!”

In Switzerland, Anna met many International friends, learned French and became the mother of a lively baby girl. 

After Switzerland, Normandy: a small village in which they really felt “foreign” for the first time. There wasn’t a big International community there, so Anna focused on her part-time job and on taking care of her daughter.

After 11 years abroad, Anna and her family went back to Italy and lived for a while in Florence.

“I was an expat in Italy, isn’t it funny? I really enjoyed life in Florence, a small but vivacious and international city.”

New destination: a little town in the American province.

“That was a cultural shock! I had to learn English, which I didn’t speak at all. And my daughter went from a French school to the American system, in a public school with more than 2000 students!”

Anna needed to support her daughter, who didn’t speak English.

“She came back home telling me she didn’t understand a word of what the teachers told her. She cried sometimes; she missed her friends. But if children can see strength in their parents’ eyes, they can overcome difficulties easily!”

And Anna was a strong woman, indeed. She made friends with new people and started new activities.

“And a cooking group, of course! Cooking was always my passion!”

Afer three years, a new change: Paris. And then Beijing.

“This was the first time for us in Asia. It may sound strange, but I can find many similarities between American and Chinese culture: in my eyes, they both share a mix of disorganization, kindness, candor.”

“I’ve never felt lost during my nomad life” states Anna “Worried, sometimes. The most important thing in expat families is to make decisions together, and this is what my husband and I always did. I didn’t feel diminished because he was the one working, I know my job is important as well: I am the one organizing everything, and I am proud of it!”

And what about difficulties?

“The most difficult thing for me was learning languages! I had to learn French and English, and I struggled a lot. So this is why I don’t study Chinese!”

Different is the story of Anna Cappelloni. She was Born in a small Italian city, and after an Economic degree she moved to Rome to work. There she met the love of her life, the crazy man who proposed her to leave for a 6-month trip in China to study Mandarin.

“Instead of running away, I accepted! At that time I didn’t know that choice would have changed my life!”

The real chance to move to China happened years later.

“We were both working, and we owned a house… that proposal sounded a little shocking!”

Eventually, they decided to accept and moved to Tangshan, a small city 180 km away from Beijing, in which there was no expat community. 

“And pollution was severe! I was always alone because I had no friends and my husband was working until late.”

Not easy days. But Anna reacted and was even able to find a job as English teacher. Four years later they moved to Beijing, definitely a better lifestyle.

“There are several challenges for a woman who decides to follow her husband abroad. Many think that you are a privileged woman, and everything is easy and fancy, but they underestimate the strong impact this life can have on your feelings. You leave your family, your place, your job, in other words, a big part of yourself and you may feel lost, without a role, a purpose. You lose your financial independence and may feel guilty when you spend money. You are often alone because your husband works a lot. And you have to substitute Dad the many times he can’t be present (this is the second year in a row that my husband is not here for our daughter’s birthday!). What many people don’t understand, is that our role is essential. Without the support of the spouse, expat life wouldn’t be possible for the family!”

CinCucina is a project that let her make of cooking not only a passion but also a job, to meet locals and expats, to feel proud of something hers. 

“I believe that having your own project and not being only a wife and a mother is very important. Last year was exciting and fun, and I hope that the new one will bring more challenges and adventures! I’m ready!”

You can contact them @CinCucina Wechat or Facebook page to book a lesson or buy a copy of the cookbook (in English and Mandarin).

BEING PREGNANT AND GIVING BIRTH IN A CHINESE HOSPITAL

My third son was born in 2015 at Kowloon Hospital, Suzhou. Why did I choose to give birth in a Chinese hospital? 

I could say it was because I wanted a genuine experience, but the truth is that the luxurious clinics in Shanghai are deadly expensive and I didn’t want to go bankrupt. I already knew I would have had a C-section, and spending more than 20.000 Euro for the delivery was unthinkable. The Chinese hospital was much more affordable, and so we chose it.

Having a baby in China, for foreigners, is always a matter of money.  If you are a young couple and you are already planning a pregnancy, you can take out maternity insurance (usually not included in the basic plans), but this is also very expensive, and sometimes your employer doesn’t agree to add it in the benefits. We didn’t have a maternity plan, so everything was on us. We did the math and discovered that giving birth in the hospital would cost more or less like buying a return plane ticket for me to go to Italy (and having the baby there) and for my husband and my two elder children to visit me a couple of times. So, we decided I would stay in China. 

What is it like to give birth in China? What are the differences compared to Italy?

The hospital I chose had a VIP section where nurses could speak good English. They translated everything and were kind. They accompanied me as I did all my tests: blood tests, ultrasound – basically all medical test you may need when you are pregnant. The quality of the medical experience was satisfactory, and I didn’t notice any lack of hygiene.

I saw the doctor every month as I did in Italy for my first two children. She measured my belly, asked me about weight, asked me if I was feeling okay. The usual questions. Strangely enough,  nobody EVER visited me inside the place where children come out. And they told me to stop swimming from the 24th week. Moreover, they made me sign a paper in which I declared I didn’t want to take my placenta after the delivery and I agreed to donate it to the hospital. 

I didn’t do the amniocentesis because they offered to run a DNA test, that can determinate if the baby has chromosomic syndromes. All they needed was a blood sample. In Italy, this test is still uncommon and very expensive. 

But when it came to be checked into the hospital, things changed. The room was different as I remembered when we visited the ward: it wasn’t in as good condition as I remembered – and it was rather dirty! And the nurses and doctors barely spoke any English. 

Luckily, that was my third child, and I was feeling relaxed enough not to worry about it. 

I had the chance to practice my Mandarin and learned many useful medical words, so not only did I give birth to my third child, but I also had a crash course in Chinese medical terminology. Lucky me!

And, moreover, while my friends who gave birth in the renowned clinics of Shanghai had a real chef preparing food for them, I could eat (?) some traditional and healthy soup instead.

Yummy and healthy

Sometimes communication was a problem, me not understanding Mandarin and them not speaking English, so the only way to communicate was through the phone translator. But as you may imagine, automatic translation is not always correct and more than once I burst out laughing in front of them (and their surprised expression made me more and more amused). 
I wasn’t so amused just before the surgery when my body had already been tied to the operating table: what if I couldn't tell them something was wrong? What if I couldn’t explain my feelings? As these thoughts went through my head, I began to feel dizzy and my eye span blackened. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down, I closed my eyes and waited for that awful sensation to dissolve. A few minutes later I was well again. They had taken the baby from my womb, and I listened him crying: the most magical sound a mom can hear from her new-born son. I suddenly felt relaxed: he was healthy.

Postnatal care was also slightly different from the one I had received in Italy. For instance, they pressed my womb a couple of times after the C-section, to make all the blood flow away quickly. It was harrowing, and I hated it! The pros are that they gave me painkillers to bear the pain of the C-section wound (in Italy they never did!).

They didn't wash the baby immediately, but only when he was ready to go back home. And they let him swim a little bit in the warm water like in this picture.

Isn't he cute?

Overall, it was a good experience, and I am thankful everything went well. 

CHINA IN FIVE SPICES

Memories are made of images, sounds, but also perfumes, tastes, and smells. Something ethereal that reaches our soul, penetrates our cells and stays in our mind forever. Like spices.

Nothing like food can create memories. It nourishes our body and at the same time our soul, it can help us to adapt to a new environment, can make us happy, or disgusted, or bored. Feelings and food are closely connected to each other.

In our mind, each different flavor is linked to a different mood.

When you move to another country, food is more likely the first local experience you’ll have.

In my case, when I moved to China I've met a very different kind of food: other ingredients, others seasonings are used and sometimes you really need to get used to them! After a while, I unexpectedly discovered that I loved them: they were directly related to my life in China and they carried all the memories of my first days here.

Especially spices, which give food all the various nuances and make it typical of a specific region. 

Five spices are able to make me travel in space and time, and remember things I thought were hidden in the bottom of my brain. 

CORIANDER is the king of spices in Asia! You can find it everywhere, and I even used it as the title for my novel about the adventures of three expat women in China! At the beginning I really couldn’t stand its smell: so pungent, so different! I found it almost disgusting. And now… I can’t live without it! I always use coriander when I cook Chinese style and its smell is so intimately connected to my life in China that I really love it.

PARSLEY like coriander is the king of Chinese cuisine, parsley is the king of the Italian one. You can put it literally everywhere: sprinkled on your spaghetti, lightly fried with garlic to season the fish, minced to create a fresh and creamy sauce. It looks very similar to coriander but its flavor is completely different. Here in China is not that easy to find it and, for this reason, when Grandma came here last year to visit us, she brought some fresh parsley picked from her garden. She had carefully wrapped it with kitchen paper and put it in the luggage trying not to squash it. When we took it out, it was still fresh and fragrant. We put it in a mug full of water and used it a bit at a time. It lasted a long time and its smell was so familiar, so comforting! That bunch of parsley made a long journey to come from her village to the big city in China and will remind me forever how deeply she loves us.

LEMON GRASS what is that? The first time I tried it, I was having lunch at a Thai restaurant, here in Suzhou. So fresh! I loved it. It reminds me how many different and wonderful places I still have to visit here in Asia. This continent has always fascinated me and my dream is to visit all its enchanting countries.

THYME my hometown is a small city laid between the mountains and the sea. The rugged and stony land behind its back is called “Carso” and it’s a very typical landscape of that region. When I was a child, my dad often took me to have a walk up there: I remember the strong wind in winter, the hot sun in summer. I remember he taught me not to go around the stones, where vipers could hide. In that harsh land, there were large zones without a single tree: only rocks, yellow grass, and red soil. Hidden in the dry, tall grass, there was a treasure: small plants of thyme. Their smell gave off at every step. 

Imagine my surprise when I found some fresh thyme here in Suzhou! I bought it and, once at home, I plunged my nose into the box. Sniffing all those old memories, I realized how many things about my life in Italy I have already forgotten. But my unconscious still knows them and will maybe bring them out in the most unexpected moment.

BASIL is another typical Mediterranean herb. Basil means summer, sun and hot weather. The season when, in the Italian countryside, people prepare the delicious tomato sauce made from just-harvested fruits. Those fresh tomatoes are still warm of sun, and sinking your teeth into their flavorful flesh is a special experience. Some leaves of basil are added in every jar of sauce, so when you open it, the following winter, it will still scent like summer.

And you? Which are the spices that make you travel with your fantasy?

5 THINGS YOU’LL NEED FROM YOUR VERY FIRST DAY IN CHINA

China is moving fast! I came to Suzhou almost five years ago and I witnessed many things changing during this period: new building have been built, new residential areas have been developed, many shops have been opened and many other closed. Technology has also changed: in 2012 nobody used his smartphone to pay his coffee at Starbucks or his grocery at the market, nowadays everybody does. Back then, I didn’t even own a smartphone (in Italy I used my mobile only to make phone calls, text to friends and take a glance at the clock) but, once arrived here, I soon realized that I needed one of those gizmos. Day by day, my smartphone became one of my best friends: I couldn’t live without it! I’m not speaking about being addicted to social network or email checking (here Facebook and Google don’t work, anyway!) but about finding some easy and simple solution to everyday small problems and needs.

So, which are the five things you really need as soon as you set your foot in China?

1) A smartphone, of course. I take for granted that you already have one. But, if not, do yourself a favor and buy it!

2) A Chinese SIM card. It’s easy: you just need to choose one of the providers (e.g. China Mobile, China Telecom), get into their shop (there are plenty everywhere) with your passport and, in a way or another, choose a plan. Usually, for less than 100 RMB/month you can get a good plan with enough minutes and data. Maybe you can ask a Chinese friend or colleague to help you with this if you think it’s too complicated. They will make you choose a telephone number (numbers are an important matter in China, so choose wisely!) and a password and finally will install your brand new SIM card on your phone. That’s simple! Remember that every month you have to pay your fee, otherwise you won’t be able to call, receive calls and use data: you can go to every “your provider” shop or use Wechat (next step!). If you don’t pay for three months your SIM will automatically expire and you’ll have to buy a new one. 

3) WeChat account, if you don’t have one already. WeChat is an instant messaging and social media application and almost everybody in China uses it, both locals and expats. Believe me: not installing it on your phone will make you feel isolated from the rest of the community! It will be useful to you not only to chat with friends, be part of groups (very common here, we create groups for virtually anything!), share your pictures or links on Moments, but also to call a taxi and pay your bills (see step no. 5!)

4) A bank account. Don’t be afraid: this is also very easy! The biggest banks may also have branches in where there is someone who speaks English, check among your friends if they know. All you need is your passport and a small amount of cash to make your first deposit (usually not more than 100 RMB). They will make you choose a password and you’ll have to digit it a couple of time, they will ask your information such as telephone number and give you your Union bank card and your online banking login credentials, plus a bunch of paper that you will keep with care. Now you are ready for the next and last step!

5) WeChat wallet. once you have your bank card, you can link it to your WeChat account and activate your WeChat wallet. This will be extremely useful for your life in China, sometimes even vital! With WeChat wallet you’ll be able to buy online using e-store apps such as Yihaodian or JD, pay your bills at the restaurant or in the shops, call and pay a taxi (using DiDi app, which is already inside WeChat menu), pay your mobile phone’s monthly fee or your utilities. If all this sounds unnecessary to you, is because you don’t live in China yet!  

It may seem complicated (and sometimes it is!), but if you can find a friend who can help everything will go smoothly. And, believe me, the sooner you’ll manage to get these things, the better your daily life will be! 

IT'S SO HARD TO BE A TAITAI

And so she discovered she had become a Taitai, a married woman who's not working and tries to fill her days with any meaningful activities. Is this the destiny of accompanying spouses in China?

She woke up. Outside the window, the usual gray sky surrounded the city. 

“Will I ever be used to that?” she whispered.

She wandered into the empty house for a while and finally decided to have a coffee. She sat at the table, slowly sipping it. Another empty day to fill.

She had been living in China for one year already, and now she felt like she got used to her new life. Able to cope with the differences without struggling, she had learned not only how to survive, but how to make the most out of her expat condition. 

But, at the same time, she felt lost. Like many other women, when she decided to follow her husband who got a job offer in China, she left her job. At the beginning she fooled herself thinking that she could work in China: but it was too complicated. In her home country she was a secretary, and in China there were already plenty of them: they were local, they could speak Chinese, didn’t need a work permit, didn’t need to be overpaid. She gave up very soon. She tried to do something else.

She got in contact with many expat associations and knew many other ladies, all in her same condition. Some of them were appreciating the relaxed pace of their life: they were filling their day shopping, going to restaurants, taking care of their bodies in massage centers or nail salons.
She tried to fit in. But she couldn’t. Far from judging their lifestyle, she didn’t find these activities meaningful to her in the long term.

She got involved in charity. 

She also got involved in her son’s international school activities.

She tried to learn Mandarin (not much success in this!).

But she still didn’t find her new path, her new place. She realized she had become a Taitai, word that in Chinese means married woman, but for expats is also the condition of a wife who dropped her old life and is struggling to find a new role.

“You have to reinvent yourself” But how?

She sighed. Since her husband got a five-year assignment, there were still four years to go. She couldn't say she was depressed, but that subtle feeling of frustration was really bothering her! She needed to do something, to find a way.


Did you ever feel like this? Among Suzhou expat wives this is a familiar feeling. You arrive here thinking is just for a short time, feeling like you are on holiday, and you end up staying longer than you expected. You have the sensation that real life is somewhere else. You live a comfortable life, don’t have to rush, and can finally take care of yourself. Yet, you feel something is missing. So, what can you do? 

These are few tips:

1) Reinvent yourself is a common suggestion you can read on expat manuals. But what does it mean? It means that you have to go beyond your old skills and find something new. You have to look deep inside yourself and discover what your real passions and talents are. Maybe you were good at painting. Or, like me, you love writing. What about cooking? 
Commit yourself to your new project and start a fresh, marvelous journey. 

2) Are you good in handicraft? Why don’t try to make it a job? Some ladies create beautiful accessories inspired by Chinese culture, others produce home-made soaps. Let's see if your old passion for crochet can turn into a career!

3) Join some inspiring group of women who are in the search for interesting projects. Not only leisure associations but also groups of people that share your same interests. Internations can help you, and WeChat groups are an excellent source of like-minded people as well. Ask around, and you'll find something!

4) Learn something new and useful. You can get an HSK, the official exam to test your Mandarin language ability. Or study for an online degree. What about register for a graphic designer online course? Choose something that you can use once you move back in your country. 

But, please, also find the time to meet people and have fun with friends (and even some shopping wouldn’t hurt!).

Any other suggestion? I’d like to read it in the comments!