BEING PREGNANT AND GIVING BIRTH IN A CHINESE HOSPITAL

My third son was born in 2015 at Kowloon Hospital, Suzhou. Why did I choose to give birth in a Chinese hospital? 

I could say it was because I wanted a genuine experience, but the truth is that the luxurious clinics in Shanghai are deadly expensive and I didn’t want to go bankrupt. I already knew I would have had a C-section, and spending more than 20.000 Euro for the delivery was unthinkable. The Chinese hospital was much more affordable, and so we chose it.

Having a baby in China, for foreigners, is always a matter of money.  If you are a young couple and you are already planning a pregnancy, you can take out maternity insurance (usually not included in the basic plans), but this is also very expensive, and sometimes your employer doesn’t agree to add it in the benefits. We didn’t have a maternity plan, so everything was on us. We did the math and discovered that giving birth in the hospital would cost more or less like buying a return plane ticket for me to go to Italy (and having the baby there) and for my husband and my two elder children to visit me a couple of times. So, we decided I would stay in China. 

What is it like to give birth in China? What are the differences compared to Italy?

The hospital I chose had a VIP section where nurses could speak good English. They translated everything and were kind. They accompanied me as I did all my tests: blood tests, ultrasound – basically all medical test you may need when you are pregnant. The quality of the medical experience was satisfactory, and I didn’t notice any lack of hygiene.

I saw the doctor every month as I did in Italy for my first two children. She measured my belly, asked me about weight, asked me if I was feeling okay. The usual questions. Strangely enough,  nobody EVER visited me inside the place where children come out. And they told me to stop swimming from the 24th week. Moreover, they made me sign a paper in which I declared I didn’t want to take my placenta after the delivery and I agreed to donate it to the hospital. 

I didn’t do the amniocentesis because they offered to run a DNA test, that can determinate if the baby has chromosomic syndromes. All they needed was a blood sample. In Italy, this test is still uncommon and very expensive. 

But when it came to be checked into the hospital, things changed. The room was different as I remembered when we visited the ward: it wasn’t in as good condition as I remembered – and it was rather dirty! And the nurses and doctors barely spoke any English. 

Luckily, that was my third child, and I was feeling relaxed enough not to worry about it. 

I had the chance to practice my Mandarin and learned many useful medical words, so not only did I give birth to my third child, but I also had a crash course in Chinese medical terminology. Lucky me!

And, moreover, while my friends who gave birth in the renowned clinics of Shanghai had a real chef preparing food for them, I could eat (?) some traditional and healthy soup instead.

Yummy and healthy

Sometimes communication was a problem, me not understanding Mandarin and them not speaking English, so the only way to communicate was through the phone translator. But as you may imagine, automatic translation is not always correct and more than once I burst out laughing in front of them (and their surprised expression made me more and more amused). 
I wasn’t so amused just before the surgery when my body had already been tied to the operating table: what if I couldn't tell them something was wrong? What if I couldn’t explain my feelings? As these thoughts went through my head, I began to feel dizzy and my eye span blackened. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down, I closed my eyes and waited for that awful sensation to dissolve. A few minutes later I was well again. They had taken the baby from my womb, and I listened him crying: the most magical sound a mom can hear from her new-born son. I suddenly felt relaxed: he was healthy.

Postnatal care was also slightly different from the one I had received in Italy. For instance, they pressed my womb a couple of times after the C-section, to make all the blood flow away quickly. It was harrowing, and I hated it! The pros are that they gave me painkillers to bear the pain of the C-section wound (in Italy they never did!).

They didn't wash the baby immediately, but only when he was ready to go back home. And they let him swim a little bit in the warm water like in this picture.

Isn't he cute?

Overall, it was a good experience, and I am thankful everything went well. 

CHINA IN FIVE SPICES

Memories are made of images, sounds, but also perfumes, tastes, and smells. Something ethereal that reaches our soul, penetrates our cells and stays in our mind forever. Like spices.

Nothing like food can create memories. It nourishes our body and at the same time our soul, it can help us to adapt to a new environment, can make us happy, or disgusted, or bored. Feelings and food are closely connected to each other.

In our mind, each different flavor is linked to a different mood.

When you move to another country, food is more likely the first local experience you’ll have.

In my case, when I moved to China I've met a very different kind of food: other ingredients, others seasonings are used and sometimes you really need to get used to them! After a while, I unexpectedly discovered that I loved them: they were directly related to my life in China and they carried all the memories of my first days here.

Especially spices, which give food all the various nuances and make it typical of a specific region. 

Five spices are able to make me travel in space and time, and remember things I thought were hidden in the bottom of my brain. 

CORIANDER is the king of spices in Asia! You can find it everywhere, and I even used it as the title for my novel about the adventures of three expat women in China! At the beginning I really couldn’t stand its smell: so pungent, so different! I found it almost disgusting. And now… I can’t live without it! I always use coriander when I cook Chinese style and its smell is so intimately connected to my life in China that I really love it.

PARSLEY like coriander is the king of Chinese cuisine, parsley is the king of the Italian one. You can put it literally everywhere: sprinkled on your spaghetti, lightly fried with garlic to season the fish, minced to create a fresh and creamy sauce. It looks very similar to coriander but its flavor is completely different. Here in China is not that easy to find it and, for this reason, when Grandma came here last year to visit us, she brought some fresh parsley picked from her garden. She had carefully wrapped it with kitchen paper and put it in the luggage trying not to squash it. When we took it out, it was still fresh and fragrant. We put it in a mug full of water and used it a bit at a time. It lasted a long time and its smell was so familiar, so comforting! That bunch of parsley made a long journey to come from her village to the big city in China and will remind me forever how deeply she loves us.

LEMON GRASS what is that? The first time I tried it, I was having lunch at a Thai restaurant, here in Suzhou. So fresh! I loved it. It reminds me how many different and wonderful places I still have to visit here in Asia. This continent has always fascinated me and my dream is to visit all its enchanting countries.

THYME my hometown is a small city laid between the mountains and the sea. The rugged and stony land behind its back is called “Carso” and it’s a very typical landscape of that region. When I was a child, my dad often took me to have a walk up there: I remember the strong wind in winter, the hot sun in summer. I remember he taught me not to go around the stones, where vipers could hide. In that harsh land, there were large zones without a single tree: only rocks, yellow grass, and red soil. Hidden in the dry, tall grass, there was a treasure: small plants of thyme. Their smell gave off at every step. 

Imagine my surprise when I found some fresh thyme here in Suzhou! I bought it and, once at home, I plunged my nose into the box. Sniffing all those old memories, I realized how many things about my life in Italy I have already forgotten. But my unconscious still knows them and will maybe bring them out in the most unexpected moment.

BASIL is another typical Mediterranean herb. Basil means summer, sun and hot weather. The season when, in the Italian countryside, people prepare the delicious tomato sauce made from just-harvested fruits. Those fresh tomatoes are still warm of sun, and sinking your teeth into their flavorful flesh is a special experience. Some leaves of basil are added in every jar of sauce, so when you open it, the following winter, it will still scent like summer.

And you? Which are the spices that make you travel with your fantasy?

WHY DO I LOVE EXPATS?

My expat adventure began almost 5 years ago when I moved from the lethargic Italian suburbs to the dynamic, noisy and chaotic Chinese city which became our second home. 

I had never lived abroad before, but I had the chance to know some expats and I was always intrigued by their stories, fascinated by their open-minded attitudes. I was an avid reader of expat stories and every time, I felt like my life in the slow, peaceful Italian countryside fit me snugly.

Finally, I became an expat myself and made many friends among people who lived abroad. I really do love expats (I even wrote a novel about them!). They face life in a different way. How exactly? Why are they different? Let me explain my point of view:

1) They make friends easily:

Leaving behind your family, your friends and the place where you were born can make you feel lonely. Expats know they have to make friends quickly in order to survive: they must find a tribe, a kind of family substitute to rely on. This is why they usually aren’t shy: they know how to break the ice, they become experts in the art of small talks, they tend to be less leery and more open.

2) They learn how to face problems courageously: 

When you live abroad, in a country where people speak another language, have different habits, sometimes also think in a different way, even the smallest thing can be scary. Daily life’s trivia as going to the hairdresser, talking with you kids’ teachers, opening a bank account may be scattered with obstacles and you need a jolt of courage to accomplish them. This is why expats are usually very brave people: they learn to do things even when they don’t feel at ease doing them. They know how to step out of their comfort zone - actually they live outside it almost every day!

3) They always know how to figure it out:

Moving in another country is not a simple matter: you have to complete procedures, get visas, contact relocation companies, enroll children in a new school, find a house that suits you. Most of the times you must do these things remotely, relying only on the internet - and your instinct! This is why expats usually can handle themselves in many different situations without getting lost along the way.

4) They always complain about something, but at the same time, they learn to respect other cultures:

They complain? Yes, they do! About food, about traffic, about certain attitude of locals, about weather, about… whatever! But at the same time, they learn to understand other cultures, they develop what experts call “cultural intelligence” and are able to relate with people from all over the world. 

5) They are direct and less formal: 

When it comes to writing an email, I’m always surprised how easy it is to communicate with expats. In Italy, for instance, when we write letters we really like to address people with their qualification and use polite set phrases to sound kind and respectful. But when you write in English… it’s all so simple! You start your letter with “Hi!” and that’s all!

6) They are creative:

Living abroad forces you to reinvent many aspects of your life. If you are the spouse, you probably need to create a new, portable career. This is why many expats devote themselves to their passions: they become painters, writers, bloggers. They create jewels, dresses, gadgets. If they come up with a new idea, they’ll probably be successful.

And you? Do you also think expats are peculiar people? Let me know in the comments!

PARSLEY & CORIANDER: THE BOOK IS OUT!

Today is the big day. After months of hard work, the English edition of my novel "Parsley & Coriander" is finally out!

But why should you be interested in my novel? Who are the protagonists? What is the point?

There are so many books about expat life, accompanying spouses, experiences abroad: why should you bother to read another one?

Reading and enjoying a book is a very personal experience, I know. I can’t promise that you will adore “Parsley & coriander”: you might stay awake all night to devour it, or read a few pages, put it on your night table and never open it again. 

What I can do, instead, is to introduce you to some of the characters, let them show you something more, let them make you feel the atmosphere, take your hand and captivate you.

So, characters of my book, who wants to talk first?

“Hi there! I’m Luisella!”

I knew you would have spoken first! What can you tell us about yourself?

“I’m a friendly, lively person. If I were to meet you in the street, and realize that you are a newly arrived expat in China, I would probably invite you for a coffee and make you feel at ease. This is who I am: I can’t help myself helping others - my husband always says I should mind my own business! I love China, I really do. At first, it wasn’t easy, but I learned to adapt to such an extent that I don’t want to leave anymore!”

Beautiful lady, your name is Emma, right? Would you like to tell us something about your story?

“What can I say? I wasn’t supposed to become an expat! My husband got a one-year contract only, and we planned I would stay in Italy. But… our marriage was falling apart and I decided to follow him. What happened next…. I would have never expected it! It was something I didn’t look for and that totally changed my life, or maybe I should say ‘someone’…”

Please, don’t reveal too much! I know you are a very passionate and romantic woman but, you know, if you let them know everything, they won’t buy the book!

And you, over there in the corner? Would you like to say something to your potential readers?

“Oh… uhm… that’s Astrid! I’m not good at talking… what should I say? I’m a mom of two, a wife, occasionally I remember I’m a person, as well. I’m trying to perk myself up after going through a difficult period. China? Oh, it’s very different from my expectations! My feelings? I’m always afraid of something… I don’t know why! I really hate myself for this! But I’m working on it, you know? I’m sure this experience abroad will help me change!”

I usually don’t like to speak about absent people, but can you briefly introduce some of your fellow characters? Is there anyone in particular you like/dislike?

L: “My best friend in the book is Dora. I love her! She’s bursting with energy, beautiful, passionate! I was desperate when she told me she wanted to leave China. But luckily something happened…”

A: “Camilla is maybe the most particular girl I bumped into. At the beginning I thought she was a weirdo, all obsessed about wanting to blend in with the Chinese world, but after a while, I actually got along with her, and she became a good friend…”

E: “Oh, my! Not Camilla, please! It really didn’t work between us!”

A: “So, you prefer Silvia, that snobby woman?”

Ok girls, that’s enough, thank you! I will let the readers discover it by themselves!

Actually, I have one last question: if I ask you to say one sentence, only one, which can give a hint to the readers of what happens to you in the story, what would you say?

L: “Find a role in life and fight for it.”

E: “Follow your heart, even if it may seem crazy!”

A: “Be strong and don’t be afraid of changes.”

So, thank you for…

“Excuse me, may I say something?”

Yes, please. What’s your name?

“I’m Genny. I’m not a main character in the book, but I think many ladies can relate to my story. I lived in China for a short time, I never really fit in and, I confess, I couldn’t wait to go back to Italy. But when I finally repatriated, unexpectedly, I missed my life in China. If any of you experienced this once you returned to your home country, you know perfectly well what I mean. So if you ever lived in China, this book will bring back the atmosphere of those days. It’s worth reading!”

Thanks for your opinion, Genny. And thank you all, my characters, for coming alive once more. I really loved spending time with you as I wrote the story, you will always have a special place in my heart!

Ah, of course, you can find it on Amazon!

5 THINGS YOU’LL NEED FROM YOUR VERY FIRST DAY IN CHINA

China is moving fast! I came to Suzhou almost five years ago and I witnessed many things changing during this period: new building have been built, new residential areas have been developed, many shops have been opened and many other closed. Technology has also changed: in 2012 nobody used his smartphone to pay his coffee at Starbucks or his grocery at the market, nowadays everybody does. Back then, I didn’t even own a smartphone (in Italy I used my mobile only to make phone calls, text to friends and take a glance at the clock) but, once arrived here, I soon realized that I needed one of those gizmos. Day by day, my smartphone became one of my best friends: I couldn’t live without it! I’m not speaking about being addicted to social network or email checking (here Facebook and Google don’t work, anyway!) but about finding some easy and simple solution to everyday small problems and needs.

So, which are the five things you really need as soon as you set your foot in China?

1) A smartphone, of course. I take for granted that you already have one. But, if not, do yourself a favor and buy it!

2) A Chinese SIM card. It’s easy: you just need to choose one of the providers (e.g. China Mobile, China Telecom), get into their shop (there are plenty everywhere) with your passport and, in a way or another, choose a plan. Usually, for less than 100 RMB/month you can get a good plan with enough minutes and data. Maybe you can ask a Chinese friend or colleague to help you with this if you think it’s too complicated. They will make you choose a telephone number (numbers are an important matter in China, so choose wisely!) and a password and finally will install your brand new SIM card on your phone. That’s simple! Remember that every month you have to pay your fee, otherwise you won’t be able to call, receive calls and use data: you can go to every “your provider” shop or use Wechat (next step!). If you don’t pay for three months your SIM will automatically expire and you’ll have to buy a new one. 

3) WeChat account, if you don’t have one already. WeChat is an instant messaging and social media application and almost everybody in China uses it, both locals and expats. Believe me: not installing it on your phone will make you feel isolated from the rest of the community! It will be useful to you not only to chat with friends, be part of groups (very common here, we create groups for virtually anything!), share your pictures or links on Moments, but also to call a taxi and pay your bills (see step no. 5!)

4) A bank account. Don’t be afraid: this is also very easy! The biggest banks may also have branches in where there is someone who speaks English, check among your friends if they know. All you need is your passport and a small amount of cash to make your first deposit (usually not more than 100 RMB). They will make you choose a password and you’ll have to digit it a couple of time, they will ask your information such as telephone number and give you your Union bank card and your online banking login credentials, plus a bunch of paper that you will keep with care. Now you are ready for the next and last step!

5) WeChat wallet. once you have your bank card, you can link it to your WeChat account and activate your WeChat wallet. This will be extremely useful for your life in China, sometimes even vital! With WeChat wallet you’ll be able to buy online using e-store apps such as Yihaodian or JD, pay your bills at the restaurant or in the shops, call and pay a taxi (using DiDi app, which is already inside WeChat menu), pay your mobile phone’s monthly fee or your utilities. If all this sounds unnecessary to you, is because you don’t live in China yet!  

It may seem complicated (and sometimes it is!), but if you can find a friend who can help everything will go smoothly. And, believe me, the sooner you’ll manage to get these things, the better your daily life will be! 

IT'S SO HARD TO BE A TAITAI

And so she discovered she had become a Taitai, a married woman who's not working and tries to fill her days with any meaningful activities. Is this the destiny of accompanying spouses in China?

She woke up. Outside the window, the usual gray sky surrounded the city. 

“Will I ever be used to that?” she whispered.

She wandered into the empty house for a while and finally decided to have a coffee. She sat at the table, slowly sipping it. Another empty day to fill.

She had been living in China for one year already, and now she felt like she got used to her new life. Able to cope with the differences without struggling, she had learned not only how to survive, but how to make the most out of her expat condition. 

But, at the same time, she felt lost. Like many other women, when she decided to follow her husband who got a job offer in China, she left her job. At the beginning she fooled herself thinking that she could work in China: but it was too complicated. In her home country she was a secretary, and in China there were already plenty of them: they were local, they could speak Chinese, didn’t need a work permit, didn’t need to be overpaid. She gave up very soon. She tried to do something else.

She got in contact with many expat associations and knew many other ladies, all in her same condition. Some of them were appreciating the relaxed pace of their life: they were filling their day shopping, going to restaurants, taking care of their bodies in massage centers or nail salons.
She tried to fit in. But she couldn’t. Far from judging their lifestyle, she didn’t find these activities meaningful to her in the long term.

She got involved in charity. 

She also got involved in her son’s international school activities.

She tried to learn Mandarin (not much success in this!).

But she still didn’t find her new path, her new place. She realized she had become a Taitai, word that in Chinese means married woman, but for expats is also the condition of a wife who dropped her old life and is struggling to find a new role.

“You have to reinvent yourself” But how?

She sighed. Since her husband got a five-year assignment, there were still four years to go. She couldn't say she was depressed, but that subtle feeling of frustration was really bothering her! She needed to do something, to find a way.


Did you ever feel like this? Among Suzhou expat wives this is a familiar feeling. You arrive here thinking is just for a short time, feeling like you are on holiday, and you end up staying longer than you expected. You have the sensation that real life is somewhere else. You live a comfortable life, don’t have to rush, and can finally take care of yourself. Yet, you feel something is missing. So, what can you do? 

These are few tips:

1) Reinvent yourself is a common suggestion you can read on expat manuals. But what does it mean? It means that you have to go beyond your old skills and find something new. You have to look deep inside yourself and discover what your real passions and talents are. Maybe you were good at painting. Or, like me, you love writing. What about cooking? 
Commit yourself to your new project and start a fresh, marvelous journey. 

2) Are you good in handicraft? Why don’t try to make it a job? Some ladies create beautiful accessories inspired by Chinese culture, others produce home-made soaps. Let's see if your old passion for crochet can turn into a career!

3) Join some inspiring group of women who are in the search for interesting projects. Not only leisure associations but also groups of people that share your same interests. Internations can help you, and WeChat groups are an excellent source of like-minded people as well. Ask around, and you'll find something!

4) Learn something new and useful. You can get an HSK, the official exam to test your Mandarin language ability. Or study for an online degree. What about register for a graphic designer online course? Choose something that you can use once you move back in your country. 

But, please, also find the time to meet people and have fun with friends (and even some shopping wouldn’t hurt!).

Any other suggestion? I’d like to read it in the comments!