TCK AND REAL LIFE

 

This morning my daughter woke up telling me: “I had a dream... I dreamed that I was in Italy with my Chinese class and I told to my friend: this is my real home.”

I have looked at her, thoughtful. She is almost 6 years old, she is living in China since two years. But, for her, “real home” is still Italy.

What makes a place your place? Grandparents and relatives? The first memories of your life? The house which your parents have built with sweat and blood (okay, maybe not blood but the word makes the idea), or what?

And how about my son, who was 2 ½ years old when we come to China? His first friends, he has made here. He learned speaking here (and, actually, he speaks better English than Italian). Is he also going to consider Italy his “real home”?

This is what they call “Third Culture Kids”. I read about it, but to find myself facing the issue, is different!

In a book I read some very important words: children needs strong roots, in order to grow a large foliage that rises to the sky.

In expat life, everything is changing and inconstant. Friends and teachers are coming and going and sometimes I wonder how can my children bear this situation and be always happy and smiling... but they also feel that our “real” life is elsewhere. Maybe we won't go back for a long time (and, actually, our real life is now in China!), but in their heart our home is an idealized and mythological place where nothing changes: Grandma will always welcome you with her fragrant home-made cookies, Uncle and Auntie will take you in their vegetable patch, showing you seedlings and buds, friends will tell you about the small school they are attending.

One of the best friend of my daughter will go back soon to France for good. She asked me: when will we go back for good in Italy? And I felt like a stab in the hearth.

A foreigner could live decades in China, and still continue to be foreigner. You look as foreigner, no way to blend into the background! Everybody can guess you are not from here!

But, in any case, expat life changes you, and you start feeling like if you life is now double: two countries, two houses, different friends, atmosphere, foods. And you start wondering which world do you belong.

And this is true for children, also. My daughter uses to say “Our planet” instead of “our country”, and “this planet” instead of China... funny, isn't it? Incredible how deeply they can think, inside that little blond head!

They know they are Italian. And it's my duty to let them know about their country history and culture. And it's my duty also let them love the country which is giving to us hospitality.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF CHANGE

Change is life. In the stagnant water, life dies.
Change is challenging, but it also brings opportunities. If you stay paralyzed, waiting for something, probably nothing will happen.
Moving abroad is a massive change. Is it easy to do? It depends on you, on what you leave behind, on what you are expecting. But, for sure, it is always a great opportunity.
In my case, moving abroad gave me strength, self-esteem, and the capability to cope with all the hassles of daily-life in a foreign country without feeling despair.
If you have a chance to move abroad, don't discard the idea too soon. Even if you are scared to death, don't let your weaknesses to decide for your future.

EXPAT STORIES: COMING BACK FROM CHRISTMAS

Mia and Barbara are two Italian ladies, currently living in China. They both are living abroad since a couple of years.

For the Christmas holidays, like most of the foreigners, they have come back in Italy. Three or more weeks, to enjoy the warm atmosphere of their homeland.

How are these kind of Christmas holidays for expats? Very busy, of course: visiting friends and relatives, having lunches and dinners, eating a lot of delicious Italian dishes and drinking plenty of wine! And enjoying the warmth of Italian family!

But husband's work is calling: let's go back in China!

Mia is preparing luggages with very sad hearth: she enjoyed very much to stay with her family and every good-bye is more difficult than the last one. She would like to stay a little more... she couldn't meet all friends she wanted to, the time was too short.

When the plane lands in Shanghai, she stares sadly at the gray foggy. How she's missing her beautiful garden in Italy! She won't see her roses blooming, even this year. She's fighting to hide the tears, she doesn't want her husband to see her cry.

A driver is waiting for them outside the arrivals. Like every time, the misunderstandings start immediately. She's very tired about that, really tired to deal every single day with the attitude of the Chinese: so different from the Italians!

Barbara instead, is very happy to go back to China! In Italy she found the same, old family problems: the sister doesn't speak with her anymore and every Christmas dinner is a drama. And then: forced to stay home because every single relative wanted to visit them. It could be pleasant, but not when you have to cook from morning to evening for your never ending guests! And clean the house, and look after children, and make a lot of phone calls... is this holiday?

Besides, the general atmosphere in her place is not so nice: many in her town have lost the job and people are very angry, disappointed, unhappy. The economical crisis seems to be endless and the political situation is not better.

For Barbara, China means dynamism and activity! In China her children enjoy the international school (a really good opportunity to learn English in a proper way!) and she has a lot of time to spend to attend Mandarin lessons, to discover new places, to socialize. She has known a lot of new,interesting people!

Unlike Barbara, Mia feels very lonely: her best friends are in Italy and during her time abroad she couldn't forge deep relationships: expats are coming and going and friendship is necessarily superficial.

Happy new year, Mia and Barbara: your way to experience life abroad is totally different and your challenge in the new year won't be the same. As our, of course. Each of us lives expat life in a different way and I hope that 2014 will bring us strength, energy and enthusiasm to cope large and small difficulties!